Mr. Solefish

“Some people say, ‘Never kiss a friend because that friend will be lost forever.’
But what if that one person you are looking for is that friend you’ve never kissed?”

There always is that one person for everyone, that one guy/girl that you always look back upon and say what if. I saw mine last night. Mr. Solefish The guy I had once thought was “the one”. He’s still that one person that makes me flustered. That one person that turns me back into that insecure teenage girl waiting to be asked to the homecoming dance. Last spring I was going through a hard time- my mother had just been diagnosed with Breast Cancer, I was switching onto a new film and had just found out that my driver’s license was suspended due to an unpaid Seat Belt Ticket. Mr. Solefish took me out one fateful Thursday night to Saddle Ranch to help me forget all my problems, only turns out he gave me another problem to fret about. After a lot of AMF’s, some music and too much dancing we ended up back at his apartment. Now I say it was him that made the first move, and although it was, he says it was the way I was dancing at Saddle Ranch that made me make it. Not that it really matters how it happened, but what happened was I ended up having sex with one of my best friends. Someone I still work with. Someone who’s on and off girlfriend I’ve known for years. But the hardest part, was that the next morning I wanted to call up my best friend to tell him what happened and have him tell me it was all going to be all right, and since I had just slept with him I couldn’t. Now it has taken us months to get back on friendly terms, and last night was the first time we really had hung out alone since.

And a lot had happened over the last couple of months. We both have gone through many relationships, many jobs, many different paths in our life. At one time I thought of him as my soul mate, but looking at him last night I knew I couldn’t still. But what really is a soul mate? Do we have just one? Or are there many along the way? Maybe the idea of a soul mate is that they are the other part of you at that time. Since we all change year to year and month to month, maybe our soul mates also change with us and, like in this case, away from us. The time apart from him might not have changed the flutter I get when I see him, but it definitely changed the spark between us. Once there was this amazing chemistry that radiated around us. Now? Just a low hum of old friends meeting once again after a long time apart. No longer lovers. No longer good friends. Maybe no longer Soul Mates. But instead of that being a depressing thought, it’s actually kind of exciting. Since he is obviously not “the one” that means I still have my Mr. Soul Mate out there to meet! And until then I am going to continue on my fun little way. Like last night. After a few bars and a Brazilian party I didn’t meet a new Mr. Soul Mate. But I did get to meet Mr. Rio Perch, who reminded me how much fun you can have just kissing someone. And to me that might be even better than finding “the one”

Hardt in the City

“Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you. ... Hallmark doesn't make a ‘congratulations, you didn't marry the wrong guy’ card. And where's the flatware for going on vacation alone?”
Sex and the City

I have been thinking about my singleness lately- all the good things, the bad, the questions, the what ifs, the whys and the might have beens. Here’s what I’ve discovered:

I’m a hopeless romantic- even though I try and convince everyone I’m not. I’ve fallen in love only 2 times in my life but I’ve had my heart broken by 3. I love taking a nap with someone on Sunday afternoons. I work on the top rated Sitcom but can’t wait to move into Environmental Documentaries. I love sex and am not ashamed to admit it. I’ve been vegan, vegetarian, carnivore, carb-free, carb-adict, you name it and I’ve tried it. Right now I just am me. I think walks in the moonlight are the best. Even though I know that he’s just not that into you if he isn’t calling I still will call him. I have 3 ex’s that call at least once a month. I love skinny-dipping. When I get nervous I become very bitchy and judgmental, which is why I’m a HORRIBLE first date. I’ve been set up on blind dates by all my friends and they have all been disasters. I’m still friends with the first guy I ever slept with. Though the last guy I slept with ended up blowing me off after only one date. I've planned every detail of my wedding even though I don’t know if I want to get married. I’m friends with everyone I’ve ever dated except one. I hate anyone being mad at me so I will always call and apologize even if they were in the wrong. I’m horrible with the morning after. I can’t sleep with someone in the bed with me but miss them once they are gone. I’ve only met one guy in a bar- and it was actually at the door to the bar. I don’t adhere to the 3 day calling rule or the 3 dates before sleeping with them rule! I don’t believe in Nice Guys, but still hope they are out there! I cry at happy endings. I waited until I was 23 to have sex for the first time. I believe in Soul Mates. I love cheesy horror movies. I’m the most insecure person you will ever meet. I love thunderstorms. I change my mind all the time. I’ve never received flowers from a boyfriend. I redecorate my bedroom every time I break up with someone. I wish on stars. I hate people not returning phone calls so no matter how mad I am with someone I will always call them back. I always second-guess myself. I’ve goggled everyone I’ve ever dated. I’m the queen of Drunk Dialing. I’ve killed every plant I’ve ever owned. I’m actually really shy which I try to disguise by being loud and outgoing. If you date me you will end up in one of my blogs. I don’t believe in secrets. My mom is my best friend. I love to dance but am horrible at it. I secretly wish I was a singer. I can’t wait to turn 30. And I will probably spend the rest of my life waiting for that Lloyd Dobbler moment- to see him standing outside of my window with a boom box over his head...