Mr. Scorpion Fish

For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything.
GRAY’S ANATOMY

I’m usually one for jumping into bed first and asking questions later. The whole principle of, if he is going to really want to date me than sleeping together is not going to change that. That being said you might be surprised that there is someone who I have waited for. In fact we waited exactly 2 years and 1 day to sleep together, not that I’m counting or anything. Let me just say that it was well worth the wait. But now I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s go back two years…

Mr. Scorpion Fish and I had been hearing about each other for years. And had it pounded into our heads that we were perfect for each other. Of course I was extremely doubtful. After all I had been told I was perfect for many guys and only ended up going on some of the worst dates of my life. So two years ago when he came to Thanksgiving I was in a relationship and he was living with his girlfriend so luckily it wasn’t a set up. But have you ever met someone that you just sparked with?! It’s hard to explain, but sometimes you met someone who you just click with, someone who makes forever seem possible. We both were dating other people, so we had a fantastic weekend of flirtation and that was it. Of course as soon as he was single he called, though of course I wasn’t. And then I was single and he wasn’t. And so we went on. Always having bad timing, but a love affair began none the less.

Which leads me to last year’s thanksgiving. Now last year I was going through the first (of many) break-ups with Puffer-fish and wasn’t thinking straight. And Scorpion Fish was back together with his girlfriend. But the moment he walked into the room I knew we were in trouble. We both knew it. Instead of that spark going away it had multiplied and was crackling between us. After way too many shots we kissed. And kissed. And kissed. But that’s it. Seeing as we live in different states that should have been the end of it. But it wasn’t. And over the last year we have seen each other a handful of times, spent endless sleepless nights on the phone, texted each other gazillions of times but every time we went out it’s been bad timing and we haven’t had sex. He eventually did break up with the girlfriend but things always got in the way and somehow I had become the "everything but" girl.

And then last night happened. We finally had the sex. Usually when you wait for something for so long it’s a complete disaster. But this time it wasn’t. The sexual tension added to that amazing chemistry and made the night fan-fucking-tastic. Now I don’t know what’s going to happen. He lives in Phoenix. And I live in Los Angeles. But what I do know is that we will both have one night of perfect sex to remember when we are old. And right now I think that’s enough.

SERIOUSLY?!

“Why don’t we get drunk and screw…”
Jimmy Buffet

What’s the deal with pick up lines? After a weekend of bar hopping and watching Monday night football with my girls, I just can’t take it anymore. I know I complain when I go to a bar and NO guy hits on me, but sometimes the lines I get are a little too much to handle. So that being said, here are my FIVE favorites from the week:

5) Has anybody ever told you that you look like a Minnie Driver
Since I get that at least once a week and HATE it, try something a little more original next time because as soon as I hear: “Has anyone ever told you who you look like” I start to cringe a little. To the extent that even Mr. Puffer-fish called this week to tell me he finally remembered who I reminded him off. After dating on and off for a year, it’s only now that he thinks I look like someone. But hey at least he didn’t say this while we were having sex, just as a precursor to wanting to have sex. Don’t know if it was to have sex with me or to pretend it was Minnie Driver, either way he got a thanks but no thanks.

4) Hey do you have a boyfriend… do you want on?
I actually got that one on set Friday night. The answer would be NO!!!! As in no I don’t want YOU!

3) Hey you’ve got some sexy legs…
That one was actually YELLED at me while I was walking the Warner Brothers lot. Clue to all men out there NO GIRL WANTS TO BE YELLED AT WHILE SHE IS WALKING UNLESS SHE ACTUALLY IS A HOOKER!!!!

2) Wow, you have the most amazing smile!
Well I will be sure to pass that along to the orthodontist that my parents paid an arm and a leg to in grade school so that I would get this AMAZING smile.

1) Do you want me to talk dirty to you?
My personal favorite!

Well I know it’s not fair that I am bagging on guys and their lines because a lot of times they work. And even the ones that don’t I have to say you have given me a good laugh. So to be fair I will share with you one that did work recently. I met a guy in surfing down in Baja a couple of months ago. We were all staying in this little surf village and the only bar in town was this little dive that featured Karaoke on the weekends. After riding a few waves together and chit chatting in the water we arranged to meet there that night. Later that night after a few drinks and us talking for awhile he got up to sing a karaoke song and sang it right at me. And as much as I am drawn to looks first I am a sucker for someone who can make me laugh- His song was “Why don’t we get drunk and screw”… Moral of the story, cut with all the stupid chitchat, a good “let’s screw” will work every time. And that is how I met Mr. Summer Flounder this summer. And boy did that “screw” work!